


from seed to bloom

by badbavarois



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: 5+1 Things, AFTG Winter Exchange 2018, Baking, Holidays, Jewish Holidays, Jewish Neil Josten, M/M, Post-Canon, Trans Character, Trans Neil Josten, jewish abby winfield
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 11:00:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17058539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badbavarois/pseuds/badbavarois
Summary: Fifth-year without his family is hard. Finding out whoNeilis helps.





	from seed to bloom

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tycutiovevo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tycutiovevo/gifts).



> psuvevo  
> ok i know this is late but i hope you enjoy it!! i had a really fun time writing it :) if you or anyone else has any questions, i used the chabad website for anything i didn't know, even tho i'm not orthodox. they just tend to have the most concise info. and, this is self-betaed, so if there's an issue pls tell me  
> anyway!! holiday baking for our foxy family

#  **_I._ **

 

It’s Abby’s idea, senior year, when Neil is feeling lost without the majority of his family. Robin’s good, but she’s needing him less and less, and Neil is trying his best to bond with all the new foxes, but losing the girls was hard, and losing Matt and Kevin was hard, but nothing prepared him for not waking up to the sound of Andrew’s steady breathing and no longer sharing cigarettes and shitty jokes on the roof that make Andrew roll his eyes.

 

When he came back to campus at the end of June, he split his nights between Wymack’s couch and Abby’s guest room. He likes staying with Wymack more, because it reminds him of being on the run with his mother and crashing whenever he could, and less of the house in Columbia or Andrew’s new place in Denver, Andrew curled around his spine, hands pressing into his intestines.

 

Which, makes it easier to help her on Saturdays to make challah while she tells him about the temple she went to growing up, about summers spent volunteering at the local Hebrew school down the street from her high school. After their first win of the season, she gives him a bottle of Manischewitz and makes him promise to be responsible.

 

By the beginning of August, he’s stretched thin and misses Andrew but neither of them has the time to fly out and see the other, so he’s circling around Abby closer and closer. By the end of the month, he’s telling her,  _ I don’t know the last time I celebrated Rosh Hashanah,  _ while she’s scoping ice into a Ziploc for his knee.

 

She gets that same sad look in her eyes that all the original foxes and her and Wymack get every time they unlock another part of his tragic backstory, and he wishes he knew a way to take it back, but all he comes up with is,  _ the closest thing I’ve down to my culture is eat challah with you on the Shabbat  _ and  _ once I went into a temple in Berlin when I was 13 and my mother had me read from the Torah for a pseudo-bat mitzvah and she said I was all grown up now but it was an English translation because I never learned Hebrew.  _

 

Instead, she says, “We’ll have to do something about that then, won’t we?”

 

…

 

On Sunday morning, Neil helps her knead dough for challah and chop nuts and dried fruit for teiglach, and that evening, she drives him, Robin, and two of the freshmen to the synagogue on campus. Abby and the freshmen, Jenna and Tommy, read along from the Torah, and she finds him and Robin an English copy to stumble through. 

 

When they get home, Jenna lights the candles and Tommy talks about the time his little sister almost set the curtains on fire until Abby shoes him into the kitchen to help open the bottle of grape juice so they can recite the kiddush. He’s laughing, saying,  _ and I was the pyro of the family, too,  _ and Jenna is glaring and trying not to smile. She’s a fox because she’s a runner, too, and a liar, too, and she’s found a home in the foxhole, too. 

 

Neil hasn’t done this in years - he wasn’t even Neil yet, wasn’t even  _ himself  _ yet - but here, with Abby and his team, he knows he’s not alone.

 

#  **_II._ **

 

October is Neil’s least favorite month in South Carolina - the weather ranges from 30° and rainy for a week, then back up to eighties and death by the last few mosquitos that are still hanging on. He piles blankets on his bed only to kick them off in the middle of the night. He’s shivering when he’s walking into the gym for six AM morning practice and boiling when he leaves for his first-morning class.

 

He still wears Andrew’s old foxes hoodie, though, even if he does complain about Palmetto’s dumbass weather, and switches it occasionally with the new Denver Wolves pullover Andrew claims he never shipped.

 

…

 

Tommy and Jenna are both at home with their respective families for Yom Kippur, so it’s back to just Abby and Neil in her house again. They only go to Maariv and Neilah, and she doesn’t let him fast even though Wymack lets him take three days off from practice, and she can’t because of her blood pressure. 

 

He only knows the basics of the holy day - Nathan only allowed religion when it made him look good; there wasn’t time once Mary took  _ him _ and ran - so Abby helps him recall the most important prayers and the time her old Rabbi caught his sleeve on fire. About when her bubbe said she regretted not marrying someone who would age better to make her zaydee laugh. 

 

They attempt homemade bagels in the afternoon, but it goes about as well as all of Abby’s baking projects, so they drive out to Columbia for the day and hunt down a bakery that has lox that meets Abby’s standards. That turns into lunch, and Abby asking Neil how his classes are going, which turns into a walk along the waterfront, before they make their way back north to campus. 

 

When Abby drops him off at the dorms, she whispers a prayer that Neil can barely understand, seals it with a kiss. Calls him  _ Abram. _

 

Even without Andrew close, Neil’s beginning to understand what Nicky means by family. 

 

#  **_III._ **

 

Hanukkah comes with Neil never spelling it right the first time and well wishes from the OG foxes, boxes of gifts from France and New York. December is cold and Neil’s nose always runs during lecture and he never remembers to shove tissues in his pockets. He keeps wearing Andrew’s wolves hoodie, but he switches it out for an ugly Hanukkah sweater Nicky sent from Germany.

 

Abby and Neil make noodle kugel and eat the entire baking dish in one sitting. They light the candles on the menorah together, Abby with a lighter and Neil with the shamash. Neil sends Andrew a picture every night, and Andrew texts back  _ try not to burn the nurse’s house down  _ the first time and doesn’t reply after that. A few hours later though, Andrew will make a random comment about Denver or his team or his dinner. Neil knows he cares. 

 

… 

 

The fourth day, Andrew sends him a recipe for toffee matzo. Neil almost feels sick looking at it - chocolate alone is bad enough, the toffee makes it unbearable - but he gets the message. He tells Abby he won’t be over for dinner but will be to light the next candle, and drops Robin off at the tower before hitting the grocery store in town. 

 

The recipe is easy to follow and simple enough that the dorm kitchenette can handle it. His hands still end up sticky, so he washes them before packaging Andrew’s gift. He drops it off at the post office the next day and pays for express delivery. While he’s there, he gets an Amazon package, sender address for  _ A. Minyard _ .

 

A cat toy, the kind stuffed with catnip. A mouse with a bell for a nose. The gift note reads,  _ 198%. you can pick the name when you come home.  _

 

#  **_IV._ **

 

Mary wanted to name the baby Esther - chosen by the king for her beauty, chosen by her people for her intellect. Persia's  _ queen.  _ G-d's  _ star.  _ Esther, who took her fate into her own hands and saved them all. Esther, unconquerable. 

 

Nathan had wanted a boy - someone strong enough to carry on his name, and cruel enough to carry on his mantle. A junior, with his strength and Mary's wit and none of her weaknesses. A son worthy of gaining the main branch's affection. Worthy of Kengo's attention.

 

Instead, he gets a girl. Has the nurse write down  _ Natalie,  _ close to Nathan but not close enough. He sneers down at her in her plastic cradle, swaddled up in a pink fleece. Mary's parents sent a beanie for the newborn, but she's too out of it from the epidural to notice that Lola threw it in the trash and dumped baby formula on top. 

 

“You'll keep her quiet and out of the way,” he says on the way home. Mary will hear the  _ or else.  _ In a few years, Lola can start training her, see if she's worth her keep. Nathan thinks of a few people he could loan or sell her to, if the lessons don't stick. 

 

He doesn't care either way. Natalie will bring them money. The method is up to her. 

 

...

 

Mary didn't get her Esther. She didn't get her baby girl, either. 

 

Neil guesses none of them are happy with the way things went.

 

#  **_V._ **

 

The earliest holiday Neil can remember was a Passover when he was five or six. 

 

His mum’s parents had mailed a seder plate to Baltimore. Mary had held it, rubbing her thumbs along the edge almost reverently, as she told him how it had been in their family for generations. Since before the Hatfords were really the Hatfords. Since before they had made something of themselves. Generations had gathered around the plate every year, she said, reading from the Haggadah and remembering the flight from Egypt. 

 

Nathan broke it, hours before sundown. Neil had tucked a piece in his pocket before Lola could throw it out. When he gave it to his mum that night, she finally cried.

 

…

 

Abby’s terrified of the concept of a food processor  _ (That’s how you cut a hand off, Neil!)  _ so they buy the maror and chazeret premade. Wymack comes over to ‘help with the cooking’ and gets relegated to grilling a chicken neck in the backyard; Neil thinks he’s only half annoyed. 

 

Inside, he and Abby boil eggs, and chop pears and apples for the charoset

 

“I know it’s important,” Abby says, “but I never could get used to the taste.”

 

The matzoh comes last, which she’s happy to announce she can make easily. Neil helps her with the measuring and mixing, but leaves her alone to use the pasta maker to flatten the pieces. When Wymack finishes with the grill, he comes in to help bake the matzoh. It goes marginally well - he burns half the pieces until he knows what to look for, and Abby and he develop enough of a rhythm to get the timing down. 

 

When the sun finally goes down, they gather in the living room, the foods carefully arranged on the plate. Hers is thin china, with delicate blue flowers. It looks nothing like his mothers. It still makes his chest ache. 

 

And then Abby begins -  _ Blessed are You, L-rd, our G‑d, King of the universe, who creates the fruit of the vine. _

 

#  _**+I.** _

 

Saturdays in Minyard-Josten household are reserved for baking.

 

Andrew will stretch out on the couch, with King or Sir lounging on his feet or stomach or thighs while he reads on his kindle. Neil will play whatever music one of the foxes has sent him that week, or whatever’s caught his attention, or been recommended by spotify. 

 

He’ll wipe down  _ their  _ (G-d, he’ll never get tired of that - this tiny corner of the world they’ve managed to carve out for themselves, even after everything that’s happened) counter with a damp paper towel. Dries it off with another swipe. Pulls out the worn ceramic bowl Renee gave him seven - no,  _ eight _ \- years ago.

 

He’ll level off flour and salt, rip open packets of yeast and melt butter in the microwave. One of the cats will come to see what all the noise is about, fussy and loud until Neil blows her wet kisses. He’ll knead the dough with the same strong, firm motions Abby taught him back in college and he’ll let it rise before he kneads it again a second time. 

 

He’ll braid the challah while Andrew digs around in the freezer, grumbling that they need to pick up more Ben & Jerry’s, and  _ less of this Blue Bell shit.  _ Three strands on a flour covered island, loose at the beginning so he can neaten it up later. Andrew will kiss the back of his neck, complain that he’s sweaty. Neil will tut, say he can go challah-less if he’s going to be mean. 

 

While it bakes, flooding the whole apartment with its sweet smell and warmth, they’ll curl up on the couch with the cats. Andrew will pretend to be annoyed that Neil’s talking about the game from the night before, but he’ll be combing his fingers through red hair anyway. 

 

When the timer goes off, Andrew will be worse than the cats at dinner time. He’ll burn his fingers and pout as if Neil and the loaf conspired against him. When it’s finally cool, Neil will pull off a few hunks and slather them in butter and honey and Andrew will join him out on the balcony with a cigarette to share. It will be the only time they smoke for the week - a concession so Andrew can keep the ice cream stocked in the freezer.

 

Maybe Neil won’t as observant as his uncle and the rest of his family would like, and maybe sometimes he will wish Hebrew came as easily as German and Russian. Sometimes he’ll wish he went back and got a bar mitzvah the time Abby suggested it, just like he’ll wish he realized he could never really be Natalie or any of the other soft names his mother picked sooner. Sometimes he’ll wish he found Andrew and their family sooner. 

 

But what he will have, will be enough. 

  
No matter where exy drags them, this will be easy, and regular. The Neil a decade ago, the  _ Natalie  _ and the  _ Alex  _ and the  _ Stephan  _ and all girls he pretended to be for half his life, would have hated this. The Neil before Andrew would have hated this. But here, in their home - it’s everything he wants. 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed it!!! comments/kudos are appreciated :) requests are open, and i'm hoping to get a lot of writing done over break, including finish up a long oneshot soulmate au, and start on a scott pilgrim au?? idk neil is very ramona flowers to me  
> anyway!! you can reach me kinda at badbavarois on tumblr and twitter and mastodon.social/@Butches, and definitely berries.space/@butches


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